An Open Letter to God

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Dear Mother-Father God,

All righty, Almighty, let’s get to it.

I acknowledge that You are the Creator of all things, and I am grateful for the life You have infused in me, and for the opportunity to express as Camille, or, perhaps, more accurately put, for the opportunity to experience You as Camille. I affirm, too, that in between lives or incarnations, I co-created the life I would step into while in human form. Together with You, my spirit guides and guardian angels, after reviewing and spiritually stewing about what I accomplished and failed to accomplish in my previous life and  or lives, I chose the major framework for who I would be and do in my upcoming life, that is to say, this life, the very one I am living now.

Wow! What a deal we make when we choose to don this human disguise and endure this life school over and over again. I have asked myself from time to time why I agreed to, let alone helped choreograph, such an intricate dance, especially when, while in the midst of learning ever new steps, I trip over my own feet time again. Yet when the smoke clears from all the spiritual tap dancing, and one more crisis has passed, if not been miraculously resolved, I am amazed at how it served me, and, indeed, marvel at the serendipitous events which lead to its auspicious conclusion.

Of course, I seldom see the gift in the problems with which I am confronted, and or have created, until well after, and sometimes never at all. That, in and of itself, is a major and fascinating concept.  Does life happen to us or do we pull it all to us?  Do we, in fact, have free will only in terms of how we respond to things that randomly happen to us? Are we victims of a fickle fate, or are we truly creating everything that happens to us by what we most consistently think, say and do?  That is a notion to which I generally subscribe. However, it seems to me that such a notion at the same time enslaves and liberates us, for it makes us supremely responsible, yet utterly powerful. Of course, that is the piece of the puzzle I tend to lose sight of when trying to make sense of what often appears a constant and unfair barrage of troubles. I can’t imagine I actually had anything to do with setting up or manifesting anything which smacks of struggle or suffering.

I hate to tell You this, God, but I occasionally question the whole cosmic, universal, God thing. I get angry, too, convinced that I have been a good person, done the spiritual work, followed the rules, and done the scientific prayer, the meditations and the visualizations. I have read the books, had the philosophical discussions, pondered and prayed, and so, when things continue to go wrong, the question Why? becomes a constant refrain. Why is this happening to me? Why aren’t I manifesting my good? Why do I continue to struggle? Why must I suffer so? Why can’t things be easier to understand?

Why, indeed, would a compassionate God create a world with so many hidden agendas and picayune rules of spiritual conduct, and then slap us, when we’re already down, with another obstacle just because we don’t do things exactly right according to Universal Law? We cry out to You, Mother-Father God. You know what is in our hearts and souls, why not reward us with the good things we want without our having to endure so much heartache?

In my heart of hearts I know the sad and sobering truth, for I am a spiritual being having a human existence and the wisdom lies within me if I will only listen.  We may think we have done the work, but, if we do listen and very closely, that still small voice inside us tells us that when we pray not believing in the outcome, when we visualize with a hidden seed of doubt, when we question in anger, we push away our good.  Until we truly let go and let God, um…let You have the reins, we will continue to struggle.  It is in the very act of surrendering that we gain true control.  How can I go fear forward and expect good results?  I must go forward in faith. And so, even as I go ’round and ’round seeking answers to my heart’s questions, my Soul sits in the middle and knows, to paraphrase poet Robert Frost.

Dear God, thank You for the opportunity to love others, and to be loved, and to help heal and comfort others. Continue to guide my words and give me the wisdom to say what others need to hear, but seldom want to hear, and the compassion to express it in a way that does no further harm to already weeping souls. It is so much easier to see clearly when others make errors through wrong thinking than when I blithely do it myself.

Dear God, I accept that I have pulled into my life those who would best serve my soul’s growth in learning, understanding or completing certain events or life situations, no matter how painful or complex. Not that all my divinely human encounters have been painful and complex, but those that were, taught me important things. You, dear Mother-Father God, and my spirit guides, no doubt, tried to persuade me not to take on so much in this one incarnation, but I, characteristically, said “No! I can handle it. I want to go through the struggle, I want to feel the pain, know the suffering that will help me gain the wisdom I seek and so cherish.”  Yet, just between You and me, God, I sometimes tire of the struggle and long to choose anew, for I know that the power to choose again is in every moment.

So, here’s the deal, God: I, hereby, choose to learn through wisdom, rather than pain, and may that wisdom erase most of the bad or difficult karma my past actions put into motion! I choose the accelerated path and I ask You, Mother-Father God, for your guidance, blessings and intervention to give me the strength, the courage, the wisdom and the perseverance to follow my bliss.

As the Grand Producer, your presence is always with me, and although I feel You in every breath I take, and with every beat of my heart, I know, too, that I have to ask for your help through prayer, knowing that as I ask, believing I shall receive, I shall receive. I must also remember to invite the intervention of your powerful angels and my spirit guides, for as I wrote in my poem, “A Conversation with Some Angels,” they are empowered to inspire, but not to interfere uninvited. I understand, too, that while here on earth, essentially, I alone am the director; I am also the scriptwriter, the choreographer and the dancer. I write the score, both music and lyrics; I create the arrangements and I conduct the orchestra. In fact, I am all the instruments and the very music itself. I am the singer of my every song. I set the stage and I arrange the props. I am the lead actor, and I cast all the supporting roles. In fact, it just may be that I am all the actors, for we are all one and we are each in other’s created world.

Of course, when I look back at some of the scenes of “My Life as Camille so far….,” on the surface it seems almost impossible to imagine that I actually chose particular experiences and certain people to play particular parts. After further scrutiny, however, the reason usually becomes clear. Still, for all the wisdom I have garnered from the painful episodes of this lifetime up to this moment in time, I am calling a halt to the production as it’s been running, and immediately replacing it with a major rewrite. To start off, since I am the choreographer of this dance I’m doing, I am opting to create a new dance, with new and daring steps. I am choosing to change the rhythm and pick up the pace. And I am writing a new score and calling it “Good Things Are Happening!” All I have to do to renew my energy when I feel myself faltering is to swirl around to that tune or imagine myself doing it.

And so, dear Mother-Father God, I, once again, invite You into my life. I ask You to actively participate, to intervene, to bless me and protect me in all my ways.  I ask this knowing that You will surround me with your guardian angels and my spirit guides as I walk this path, and remembering more and more each day who I really am and that I chose and continue to choose to be here. I am the musician and the instrument, I am the singer, my words are my song, I am the choreographer and my life is my very own picture show and dance. May it ever be the Abundance!  Shall we…dance? 

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